Wants.

I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting leads to trying, and trying leads to failure. But now I can't stop wanting. I wanna fly first class. I wanna travel to Europe on a business trip. I wanna get invited to the White House. I wanna learn about the world. I wanna surprise myself. I wanna be important. I wanna be the best person I can be. I wanted to find myself, instead of having others find me. I wanna win, and have people be happy for me. I wanna lose and get over it. I wanna not be afraid of the unknown. I wanna grow up and be generous and big hearted. I want an interesting and surprising life. Its not that I think I'm gonna get all these things, I just want the possibility of getting them. The possibility that things are going to change.

-- Friday Night Lights

I'm Permanent

Many of you may not have followed David Cook's rise to stardom like I did. I watched him from the very beginning of American Idol. Something many learned about him was that he had a brother, Adam, who had been battling brain cancer for over ten years and who actually passed away in May, 2009.
David wrote the song, "Permanent" for him. It's just an amazing song....nothing more to say.




Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won't go away today

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?
And when they say it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away but still you say

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent, I'm permanent

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry

Cat fight.

Only my roommate would have this kind of luck.
Now I don't know the full story - so parts of it may be "mixed" up but the general idea of it will be there.



Saturday night my roommate was at her sister's apartment. Her sister's roommate has a cat and one of their friends decided to bring over his dog. Well needless to say the dog and the cat got into a fight. A bad one. My roomie tried to step in to save the cat which caused the cat to bite her finger and not let her.

She had many bite marks on her finger - and most of them were very deep. When she woke up Sunday morning - her finger was double to triple the size it normally is. She decided to go to the doctor thinking she would just get some antibiotics - well ends up her finger was infected and just filled with bacteria and required surgery.

She had surgery Sunday afternoon. They placed a tube in her finger to get all the bacteria and other junk to drain out. She's been in the hospital since Sunday. She went in an hour ago to see if they would be able to take the tube out of her finger. If they were able to, she should be able to go home tomorrow. If not - she'll be in til Thursday or possibly even later.

She's the kind of girl who has this kind of random dumb luck.

It's a sad - but funny story all at the same time that I just had to share.

P.S. The cat had injuries to its stomach, and the vet said its lucky to be alive. They believe the reason it survived is all the fat :)

money, money, money....

I'm stressed to the maximum!

Life's been busy and it seems like all I'm doing is worrying about money...

*-I have decided to go back to school and get my Bachelors degree. I'm also going to continue to keep making student loan payments on my other degree. I'm not ready to take all those pointless classes that have nothing to do with my degree and spend $40,000 doing it. Oh well - it's a requirement to get a good job I guess. So I start on Monday.

*-I had to get a new camera a few weeks ago...my old one was put through hell and back. Being dropped numerous times, and it also got soaked in sunscreen. After that, and more it still continued to work, but finally decided to quit on me two days before my birthday. So I had to go and buy myself a birthday gift.

*-My car needs new tires real soon, they are very close to being bald.

*-I've had bad luck with electronics so far in '10 - and on Saturday my phone decided it jump out of my pocket and conveniently land into a toilet. And "stupid" me quickly grabbed it out of the toilet and immediately turned it on to see if it still worked. Who knew that water and electricity did not mix? Needless to say - it still hasn't turned on. So I had to go and get a new phone.

*-I am gonna be moving out of my current place to live with a different friend. My rent amount will more than likely increase by about $150-200 a month - but it will also help me to pay more attention to my monthly budgets.

*-I'm sick of throwing money away on rent. I want a house (if you know me personally you know I've been wanting one since I graduated more than anything). I've been looking and will continue to look everyday until I find something nice in my price range. I intend to put away at least $150 every month to save up for a house.

My paycheck is nothing spectacular - and I just turned 21. So money is tight and the stress is plentiful.

I miss the days when my biggest decision was what to play at recess...