Maybe....

I'm strong, but I break.

I'm stubborn and I make plenty of mistakes.

Yeah I'm hard and life with me is never easy...

I'm confusing as hell.

I'm north and south,

and I'll probably never have it all figured out.

But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you.

And I promise I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me...

Make the most of today.

Do not...

Life's Little Instructions.

Best things in life...

Crayons of Life

"Life is like a box of crayons.

Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back.

I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing.

It’s ok though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle, magenta and orchid at my disposal.

I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes.

Does anyone else have that problem?

I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who’s an 8-color type.. I’m like, "hey Periwinkle!! and he’s like, "oh, you mean purple!" and he goes off on his purple thing, and I’m like, no – I want Periwinkle!"

One of those days...

Every had one of those days,

where nothing is wrong,

nothing in particular happened,

but you are just crabby and miserable and unhappy?

That was me today...

It's okay....

It's okay. It's okay to want someone you can't have. It's okay to keep friendships when you don't want them or want something more. It's okay to cry when you're hurt, and it's okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. Believe it or not – it's always going to be ok. That's just how life works. Sometimes things don't work out how you want them to, and a lot of times, it seems like they never will. But it's okay, that's how life is supposed to go. It's all about learning to deal with the bumpy parts in the road, and waiting till they are smooth again. It's all about forgiving and forgetting, it's all about wanting and wishing. That's just how life goes. So hold your head up high, and keep on smiling.

Because it is true when they say that

Every minute you spent upset, is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Note to Self...

Today and everday...

Commitment

com·mit·ment 

[kuh-mit-muhnt]
–noun
1. the act of committing.
2. the state of being committed.
3. the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.
4. a pledge or promise; obligation.

I have yet to figure out why this word scares me so much.

Mmbop...

"You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all this pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
(And they're gone so fast)
So hold on to the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care?"

money, money, money....

I'm stressed to the maximum!

Life's been busy and it seems like all I'm doing is worrying about money...

*-I have decided to go back to school and get my Bachelors degree. I'm also going to continue to keep making student loan payments on my other degree. I'm not ready to take all those pointless classes that have nothing to do with my degree and spend $40,000 doing it. Oh well - it's a requirement to get a good job I guess. So I start on Monday.

*-I had to get a new camera a few weeks ago...my old one was put through hell and back. Being dropped numerous times, and it also got soaked in sunscreen. After that, and more it still continued to work, but finally decided to quit on me two days before my birthday. So I had to go and buy myself a birthday gift.

*-My car needs new tires real soon, they are very close to being bald.

*-I've had bad luck with electronics so far in '10 - and on Saturday my phone decided it jump out of my pocket and conveniently land into a toilet. And "stupid" me quickly grabbed it out of the toilet and immediately turned it on to see if it still worked. Who knew that water and electricity did not mix? Needless to say - it still hasn't turned on. So I had to go and get a new phone.

*-I am gonna be moving out of my current place to live with a different friend. My rent amount will more than likely increase by about $150-200 a month - but it will also help me to pay more attention to my monthly budgets.

*-I'm sick of throwing money away on rent. I want a house (if you know me personally you know I've been wanting one since I graduated more than anything). I've been looking and will continue to look everyday until I find something nice in my price range. I intend to put away at least $150 every month to save up for a house.

My paycheck is nothing spectacular - and I just turned 21. So money is tight and the stress is plentiful.

I miss the days when my biggest decision was what to play at recess...

Day 17 - Little Things

Day 17

I am thankful for the little things in life.

• Smiles from strangers.
  
• Planning surprises.
  
• A hug from the cutest little boy - JP.
  
• Someone texting me first.
  
• Facebook.
  
• That I will get to spend a week with my mom in Mohall in December!
  
• Board games.
  
• Hearing a new song - and falling in love with it.
  
• Laughter at work.
  
• Pay Day :)
  
• Pictures - new and old.
  
• Embarrassing moments - that make funny stories.
  
• Lounging on a Sunday in my cowboys jersey - cuddling in my cowboys blanket.
  
• Wearing flip flops year-round.
  
• New baby cousins.
  
• Puppies - and my dog.
  
• Inside jokes.
  
• Seeing my friends happy - that's the best.
  
  

Some words

A few of my poems, or just random thoughts and such.......


Jump in the car
turn the key.
Full gas tank
now I'm free.

Headlights are on
foot's on the gas.
Clear road ahead
nothing more I could ask.

Music is cranked
windows rolled down.
Speeding my way
out of this town.

Tear off my mirror
not looking back.
I need to start over
and get my life on track.

Wasted my time
chasing after you.
But something changed
and that day I knew.

I wasn't for you,
You weren't for me.
It never would've worked
we weren't meant to be.

So I'm leaving,
gotta get out of here.
There's no looking back,
I'm not going to shed a tear.

----------------------------------------------

Every night I go to bed,
and start to dream of you.
I would force myself to sleep at night,
if I knew those dreams would come true.

I wish my tears could write love songs,
so that before they were through,
you would know just how I really feel,
and how much I care for you.

I often tend to stop and think,
about what it is you need,
Soon I realize it probably isn't me,
that is when my heart truly bleeds.

My body becomes weak and eyes start to tear
as I start to get scared.
My biggest fear is that it isn't me,
and that you never even cared.

However what I've come to realize is
dreams are for dreamers and wishes seldom come true,
But when these tears fall,
they fall for you....

------------------------------------------

I look out the window
the rain's pouring down,
thunders crashing loudly,
lightening's all around.

I know what you've been doing,
I really have no doubt.
Now tonight I'm forced to wonder,
where you decided to pass out.

You're supposed to be the role model,
the one that I look up to.
I'm still young, but was forced to grow up quick,
after years of taking care of you.

It hurts me more every day,
when you choose that bottle over me.
What did I do to deserve this?
What can I do to make you see?

My worst fears came true,
when the phone rang that night.
You got behind the wheel
and drove straight into that stop light.

Three words was all I ever wanted to hear,
but to mutter those words you didn't even try.
It hurts that you're gone but mostly,
I hate that I never got to say good-bye.