Finally...

...He's single :)

Chocolate & Cigarettes

Living on a diet of Chocolates & Cigarettes

I wanna call you again

Ill drink tea sometimes when its cold

This is getting old

I call you again

Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away

But one of these days Ill grow old

And Ill grow brave and Ill go

One of these days

Blowing out the candles from my cake

I choke on the smoke as I look around the room

Everybody's wishing for no more mistakes

And all that I can think about is you

One of those days...

Every had one of those days,

where nothing is wrong,

nothing in particular happened,

but you are just crabby and miserable and unhappy?

That was me today...

Christmas is here...

This commercial makes me laugh every time I watch it. and makes me want to go to Target and try this....

It's okay....

It's okay. It's okay to want someone you can't have. It's okay to keep friendships when you don't want them or want something more. It's okay to cry when you're hurt, and it's okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. Believe it or not – it's always going to be ok. That's just how life works. Sometimes things don't work out how you want them to, and a lot of times, it seems like they never will. But it's okay, that's how life is supposed to go. It's all about learning to deal with the bumpy parts in the road, and waiting till they are smooth again. It's all about forgiving and forgetting, it's all about wanting and wishing. That's just how life goes. So hold your head up high, and keep on smiling.

Because it is true when they say that

Every minute you spent upset, is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Note to Self...

Today and everday...

Lonely Road.

I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known...

...Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me

and I walk alone.

Drive.

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear

And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the
fear take the wheel and steer.

It's driven me before

And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal.

But lately I'm beginning to find that
I should be the one behind the wheel...

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

I'll be there

Home is where the heart is.

"Home is where the heart is."

This quote used to not mean much to me. I used to consider it one of those "cheesy" quotes. I always thought that "home" was where you grew up, where you went to school, where your house was. It was that small town and all those familiar faces and places. Recently I've come to realize it's not that at all. Of course all those things are where my home is but there's so much more to "home."

"Home is where the heart is."

That is exactly true. My parents live 4 hours apart during the week and only get to see each other on weekends. Our time together as a family is hardly spent at our house. I've come to realize I can feel at "home" anywhere, as long as I'm with my family. Whether it's at my mom's apartment, our house, on a roadtrip or a hotel room. "Home" is when I'm with my family. I've never truly understood that quote til recently. It's very true when someone says,

"Home is where the heart is."

you're just a guy...

She's the next big thing. Guarantee you'll be hearing her on your radio soon, if you haven't already. BC Jean - Just a guy



Enjoy :)

5 years.

It's been five years since you've been gone. It still feels like yesterday. I remember everything about that day. I asked my parents many times if it was really you. I was in disbelief.

"Kjirsten and Louis?"
"Yes honey."
"No, it can't be."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't believe you. I just talked to Kjirsten yesterday and saw Louis in town."
"Sweetheart, it's the truth."
"Kjirsten Carlson and Louis Jahner?"
"Yes honey, it's real."

That day and the weeks after will always be stuck in my head. I'll never forget them. It was amazing to see how many people you both had touched in your short lives. There wasn't a person in our towns who didn't feel the pain.

I hope you're both watching down and realize that you're missed everyday by so many people.
I will never forget you.

Thank you

..for making my week with these.

Learning

Let me be the one you run to
for the rest of your life
I'd give up everything to show you
to show you there's still time
I could be the one you run to
for the rest of your life
I'm still learning how to love you
You're the only one that's worth the fight

Don't hold your heart too long
you'll find yourself alone
You've got time, we've got time



- Green River Ordinance -

I've been in love with you ever since you opened for David Cook.



Especially you Josh Jenkins - marry me? :)

Spell Check.

It's C-H-R-I-S-T-I.

Not Christie

Or Kristi

Or Cristy

Or Kristie

Or Christee

Or Kristy

Or Christy

Thank you for your cooperation. :)

Fact.

"Your brain always knows what's right,

but it's your damn heart, stomach,

and knees that screw you over."

it's yours

Boy, you're my addiction.

I can't get enough of you.

When you grab my hand, it feels right.

My hand, it's yours.

You pull me close,

and hold me tight,

Dont ever let go.

My body, it's yours.

Butterflies when I see you.

Perfection when I kiss you.

You're always on my mind.

My heart, it's yours.

Dear you,

Hi.

You make me happy.

I hope I make you happy too.

I know you're scared,

and I'm quite scared too.

But grab my hand, boy,

I promise I won't let go.

We'll face our fears together.

Sincerely,

Me.

Anytime.

There's a place where I go to take the edge of the day,

when the radios up your face fades away,

flicker flicker

dim and fade to black.



With a back pack packed,

and a mark on the map.

Gonna drive too fast,

Gonna not look back,

light the night with a blow torch and a match.

Help me...

Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here

Commitment

com·mit·ment 

[kuh-mit-muhnt]
–noun
1. the act of committing.
2. the state of being committed.
3. the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.
4. a pledge or promise; obligation.

I have yet to figure out why this word scares me so much.

Be there.

If you're gonna be there, be there.
If you're gonna stay, stay tonight.
Start living. Out with the old.
I'm all lit up, must be the good life.

You're a cool breeze and the setting sun;
New Years, the 4th, wrapped into one.
You make me want to be someone that you could look up to.

If you're gonna be there, be there.
If you're gonna stay, stay tonight.
Start living. Out with the old.
I'm all lit up, must be the good life.

Come on get love.
Come on and try.
Come on now, what are you waiting for?

Wisdom Teeth...

Have you ever had your wisdom teeth taken out?
I did in December and my parents told me I was very "high" on drugs.
I was making them laugh from the time the procedure was done, until the time I finally fell asleep again.
I wish they could have video-taped me so I could watch it.
Luckily this girl's family taped her.





"I feel like a unicorn just took me on a ride to a magical palace, to the land of the blueberries. And we eat onions all day...mushrooms... sometimes if were lucky we get papaya. He flies me around and I hang on to the unicorn, and we float away to the land of the ease... and we float float float... who's in the house? JC! tell me who's in the house? JC! He was born to a virgin named Mary on Christmas day, he bled and he just died on the cross to take sin away, you take him high, you take him low, you take JC wherever you go, now tell me who who who who who tell me who's in the house? JC! Tell me who's in the house? JC! Jesus Christ is in the house today. Are you okay? Are you okay?! I'm Okay. I'm just (gibberish) gospel. You got a mouth full of cotton. I'm so thirsty. It's peculiar. It's quite peculiar! ... "

Very tough day...

This sums up my day......

and this.....

Today would have been my friends 21st birthday.

Mmbop...

"You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all this pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
(And they're gone so fast)
So hold on to the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care?"

I admit it...

I'm a Gleek...
(a Glee geek)

...a huge one.

I love this show. Everything about it. The stupid humor, the music and the cast. It's all wonderful. It starts again tonight. I can't wait.

I also find Cory Monteith, who plays Finn, to be so adorable. I love the fact that he used to be a Wal-Mart greeter.... ahh :) It's love.

Dear John Mayer,

Although I may not agree with what you say all the time I love the fact that you are a real person. You don't hide who you truly are just because you are a celebrity.

I was lucky enough to get to see you in Fargo. You were wonderful. I don't think I ever sat down or stopped dancing - even during the 30 minutes of pure music with no vocals. I hope to see you again soon.

P.S. Thanks for bringing Michael Franti along.

Busy...

I'm on a two week break from school, so...

I've started a 1,000 piece puzzle.

It's very addicting and time consuming.

I've spent around 6 hours on it already, and have so much to do yet.

Wish me luck.

Spring Cleaning..

Spring is here!

Finally!

It's my favorite season, after fall. I don't like the 100 degree temperatures of summer. I love the 70 degree weather of spring. I love seeing the grass turn green, and being able to spend a whole day outside without applying sunscreen and worry about dehydration. Spring is perfect.

Spring cleaning is also something that comes with this time of year. I guess when I was younger we did this because we always had a garage sale in the summer. Well for years, I haven't really done that - and I need to! Just with my clothes. Nothing really fits anymore. Since my senior year (3 years ago) I have lost 20lbs. Don't ask me what I did or how I did it - cause I have no idea. I think it's because money was so tight that I only bought food that that I considered necessary. So snack food and junk food were foods I rarely bought!

So I am gonna start cleaning!

Wish me luck!

P.S. Spring - I'm so happy you're here.

Slow Dance

I received this forward today in my email. I usually don't read long forwards, but for some reason I did today, and I'm glad I did. This is a poem that was written by teenage girl with cancer who was given 6 months to live.

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a
butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun
into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last..

Do you run through each day
On the fly?

When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast
to get somewhere

You miss half the fun
of getting there.

When you worry and hurry
through your day,

It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower

Hear the music
Before the song is over.

I'm Back.

I'm back. Hopefully.

School is stressing me out and it's only gonna get worse.

I usually calm down with a pint of ice cream, but with lent going on right now, I decided to give up ice cream. Dumbest idea I've ever had. I miss it soo much!!

But I have a few good things coming up that I'm very excited for!!

1. - John Mayer
(and a night with some good friends.)

2. - Moving
(if we ever find a place)

3. - My Best friends wedding :)

4. - Hettinger County Fair
it may sound lame to most, but 32 below will be there
(a very popular ND band, and I'm finally 21!)

5. - WeFest!!!!

I promise to try to post more often. Sorry I've been slacking.

P.s. Hi Heather :)

Wants.

I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting leads to trying, and trying leads to failure. But now I can't stop wanting. I wanna fly first class. I wanna travel to Europe on a business trip. I wanna get invited to the White House. I wanna learn about the world. I wanna surprise myself. I wanna be important. I wanna be the best person I can be. I wanted to find myself, instead of having others find me. I wanna win, and have people be happy for me. I wanna lose and get over it. I wanna not be afraid of the unknown. I wanna grow up and be generous and big hearted. I want an interesting and surprising life. Its not that I think I'm gonna get all these things, I just want the possibility of getting them. The possibility that things are going to change.

-- Friday Night Lights

I'm Permanent

Many of you may not have followed David Cook's rise to stardom like I did. I watched him from the very beginning of American Idol. Something many learned about him was that he had a brother, Adam, who had been battling brain cancer for over ten years and who actually passed away in May, 2009.
David wrote the song, "Permanent" for him. It's just an amazing song....nothing more to say.




Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won't go away today

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?
And when they say it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away but still you say

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent, I'm permanent

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry

Cat fight.

Only my roommate would have this kind of luck.
Now I don't know the full story - so parts of it may be "mixed" up but the general idea of it will be there.



Saturday night my roommate was at her sister's apartment. Her sister's roommate has a cat and one of their friends decided to bring over his dog. Well needless to say the dog and the cat got into a fight. A bad one. My roomie tried to step in to save the cat which caused the cat to bite her finger and not let her.

She had many bite marks on her finger - and most of them were very deep. When she woke up Sunday morning - her finger was double to triple the size it normally is. She decided to go to the doctor thinking she would just get some antibiotics - well ends up her finger was infected and just filled with bacteria and required surgery.

She had surgery Sunday afternoon. They placed a tube in her finger to get all the bacteria and other junk to drain out. She's been in the hospital since Sunday. She went in an hour ago to see if they would be able to take the tube out of her finger. If they were able to, she should be able to go home tomorrow. If not - she'll be in til Thursday or possibly even later.

She's the kind of girl who has this kind of random dumb luck.

It's a sad - but funny story all at the same time that I just had to share.

P.S. The cat had injuries to its stomach, and the vet said its lucky to be alive. They believe the reason it survived is all the fat :)

money, money, money....

I'm stressed to the maximum!

Life's been busy and it seems like all I'm doing is worrying about money...

*-I have decided to go back to school and get my Bachelors degree. I'm also going to continue to keep making student loan payments on my other degree. I'm not ready to take all those pointless classes that have nothing to do with my degree and spend $40,000 doing it. Oh well - it's a requirement to get a good job I guess. So I start on Monday.

*-I had to get a new camera a few weeks ago...my old one was put through hell and back. Being dropped numerous times, and it also got soaked in sunscreen. After that, and more it still continued to work, but finally decided to quit on me two days before my birthday. So I had to go and buy myself a birthday gift.

*-My car needs new tires real soon, they are very close to being bald.

*-I've had bad luck with electronics so far in '10 - and on Saturday my phone decided it jump out of my pocket and conveniently land into a toilet. And "stupid" me quickly grabbed it out of the toilet and immediately turned it on to see if it still worked. Who knew that water and electricity did not mix? Needless to say - it still hasn't turned on. So I had to go and get a new phone.

*-I am gonna be moving out of my current place to live with a different friend. My rent amount will more than likely increase by about $150-200 a month - but it will also help me to pay more attention to my monthly budgets.

*-I'm sick of throwing money away on rent. I want a house (if you know me personally you know I've been wanting one since I graduated more than anything). I've been looking and will continue to look everyday until I find something nice in my price range. I intend to put away at least $150 every month to save up for a house.

My paycheck is nothing spectacular - and I just turned 21. So money is tight and the stress is plentiful.

I miss the days when my biggest decision was what to play at recess...

What Do I Wanna Be When I Grow Up?...

...Betty White.

She's 88 years old and is just simply amazing.

I can't even begin to talk about her success and talent that she has showed us all over her 65 + years in television.

She received the Lifetime Achievement award at the Screen Actors Guild award ceremony this year and I don't think anyone deserves it more.

I hope I have half has much "spunk" and attitude and humor as she does.

Betty White - I love you.

Little girl...

There's a little girl.
In this little town.
With a little too much heart to go around.
Live forever, never say never, you can do better.
That's what she says.

it's my birthday.

I am

21!!

"go shawty, it's your birthday, we're gonna party like its your birthday"

Birthday Gift to myself

I turn 21 on Wednesday and I can't wait.

But this year I probably bought myself the best birthday present ever.

If you have followed my blog you would have come to realize - I'm a HUGE Dallas Cowboys fan.

I have been my whole life.

Well a friend of mine had an extra ticket to their playoff game vs. the Vikings on Sunday, and I bought it! I've never been to any professional sporting game and I'm extremely excited that my first will be with one of my best friends, watching my favorite team :)

I'm SOO excited, and I just can't hide it!!!!!!

Blank piece of paper

A blank piece of paper,
And a pencil filled with lead.
I can't seem to sort through,
all the cluttered thoughts in my head.

There's so much that I want to say,
But nothing seems to come out right.
Is this even worth the trouble,
Will you even appreciate what I write?

Time flies by quickly,
The day has come to an end.
A blank paper still lay before me,
I can no longer try to pretend.

It's time to move on from the past,
Forget about my concerns, worries and fears.
There's a reason I've never been able to forget you,
Even after all these years.

So I'll do my best with my words,
If they aren't enough, than neither am I.
My words say everything my mouth can't,
The truth they surely don't deny.

I look down and the paper is nearly full,
With a few spots where tears did fall.
Is this enough for you,
Do you even understand at all?

I crumble up that piece of paper,
Filled with words written just for you.
They don't seem good enough,
I know they just won't do.

All I can do for now is start over,
And hope I can help you understand.
But no one seems to know me better,
than this piece of paper, and pencil in my hand.

written by me.

Goodbye Oswald

...I will miss you.


My fishy died today. It was actually my roommates beta fish first - but she hated it. So I adopted it - renamed it and took care of it. My roommates are both currently gone - so I wrote this little obituary for them :)

Oswald (Ozzy) passed away peacefully in his sleep on January 1, 2010 at his home.

Oswald (Ozzy) was adopted in his teen years and taken into a loving new home. He was raised to be kind to all - even those who wished death upon him. He enjoyed watching One Tree Hill, The Biggest Loser and reruns of Reba and Gilmore girls with his mother and her dear friends. He would always be there to great you when you walked in the door and when you left - waving his fins as happy as can be. He will be missed.

He is survived by his mother Christine , and her roommates Lynae and Lacey. Also Christine's grandmother who loved when Oswald came to live with her for a couple months.